down feel

Remember when you were young, 13, maybe, and you have a hobby, your hobby happens to be writing a blog, or designing your own homepage (back then, homepage was the IN THING, man.) and so you learn alll these skills, you memorize all of the HTML codes, you download every single cool scripts you can get off the web, let it be to make the font sparkle ke... make it fade, and bright again ke... make the iframes float around the page, you make sure that your homepage is according to your own rules, its YOUR escapism, your passion, your child.. i dont know. Something that means a lot to you. Because you worked hard for this. You gain knowledge, you have ideas and you execute them through your work. Then you make another page, a Guestbook page, with nice colours, cool fonts semua... you invite people to leave their comments, and you welcome everyone to do so. Why restrict this page you designed to yourself? It looks cool, you think it's pretty cool, you should share if with everyone right? This design. This personal thing that you've sliced off yourself to put it on the web. And then come the people who comments. They leave nice comments. "I love your page. It's really pretty! Make more in the following months okay!" These are the kind of comments that will keep you on your toes, to wanna make something better, to be more creative. To work harder. "Hey maybe I AM good at this?" If you've thought that way about yourself, then yes, you are that good. Feedback is important. Do not underestimate a good comment. And then there are the haters. The bullies. What are they? Let me explain. Bullies are people who feeds off hating people. Leaving negative remarks to burn you down. To lower your esteem. It is up to you to shield yourself from this, because they are just mere bullies in your kindergarten, stealing your lunchboxes and eat your sardin sandwiches your mom made for you. It's no use for me to tell you who they are, because they won't leave their real names for you to track them down, they're mere ghosts in your closet. They come once in a while to scare you. You can't see them. Sometimes you do, but you hear them. Bullies will always be there. When you're 13, 17, 23... 40... hey they'll even be there at your funeral. Let it be if you're an accountant, a doctor, a teacher, a politician, an actress, or a graphic designer like myself -we have our bullies. I just felt like writing this, because I've gone through a series of bullying lately. I've experienced getting bullied in high school, college, and even right now, I'm turning 27, and I thought these things would not happen, this lunchbox stealing, anonymous hate comment thing, will not happen when you've past a certain age. But it's here. They're here to stay. Rasa macam dah sepuluh tahun deal dengan benda ni, tapi still ada. Luckily I'm wiser now. More patient. Calmer. Toned down. Im like that. I've learned that life is a river. You could either float with it, swim in it, or you drown. I felt like writing this because I don't think anyone should go through what I go through.

I just wanted to say, that if you're going through the same thing, just keep doing what you do with the best intentions. Let God guide you through. The only reason why we don't see a lot of good artists, good architects, good musicians, good songwriters, good designers, is because of the bullies that were there to stop them at their starting point. Macam mana nak bergerak? Macam mana nak maju? Be strong. Ignore the negative vibes, and just focus on the positive side of things, smile, and you'll be just fine. If you think you're good enough, then YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Before I got here, I was said 'No' to a thousand times, I did not stop until I got a 'Yes'. So when other people try to bring you down, stop you from doing the things you love - be like water, find your way through tiny holes.

Always carry yourself around with you. Don't ever let people force you to do something you can't do. It's okay if people dont get it, and they bully you because of things they can't squeeze out of you. You are you, and you need to realize that. Its ok if THEY don't. Determine your strength, and improvise your flaws.

Don't let people exploit you. Today I read somewhere, "What kind of person would you like to be today?" I would like to be strong. Im not hard headed. But if I were to be a designer, a creative graphic designer, I want to be one with a brain, someone who has control of her life, independent, and who has the ability to make her own decisions, at her own will, with integrity. And I would like to have my own space and privacy at my own terms. I hope people could respect that. Other than that, live healthy, pray to God and be nice to people. And stay away from cigarettes. And recycle.